A Talk About Sex - Premarital Counseling


Why talk about sex in premarital counseling? 

  • This world normalizes sin as a common activity.  
  • It is important to place sexual activity and serious conversations among married couples.
  • Premarital counseling means to discover the plan of God for sex.
  • To understand the consequences and rewards in relation to sexual activities before the wedding and after the wedding.     

What is God's Plan for Sex among the married couple?   

(Source:  Pastor Wade Paris, The Shepherd's Call)
“For this reason (marriage) a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall be­come one flesh” (Matthew 19:5).

Sexual integrity. Sex is one of God’s good creations. Prac­ticed within God’s parameters, sex brings great joy. Mankind often uses sex with selfish aban­­don. This abuse brings right­eous condemnation from the Christ­ian community. Such condemnation sometimes causes people to feel all sex is a sin. Not so.

The ideal Christian standard for sexual conduct is for one man and one woman to marry as sexual virgins and never have sex with anyone else as long as they both live. In reality, not all couples come to the marriage al­tar with such innocence. Never­theless, for Christ­ians, the marriage vows regarding faithfulness are sacred. A husband and wife should only have sex with each other.

Sexual intimacy. Part of God’s sacred plan for sex is intimacy. In sexual intercourse, lov­ing, married couples de­clare, “I give you all of myself. I withhold nothing.” The biblical word for sexual intercourse means “to know.” In marriage, couples assert, “No one knows me like I let you know me.” Sexual intimacy blesses the couple and their family today and for generations to come.

The twofold purpose of sex — is pleasure and procreation. Part of God’s plan for sex is procreation. This is how a species continues. However, for humans, it appears God gave sex more for pleasure than for procreation. There are several anatomical observations that support such a position.

For the lower members of the animal kingdom, sex is totally for procreation. In the lesser animals, there is no sex except during the female ovulation cycle when she will be­come pregnant. For humans, the woman may become pregnant only in a few days of her cycle, but sex is possible and desirable anytime.

Among humans, sex is possible and desirable long after a woman’s childbearing years. Among other creatures, there is no sex when the female can no longer bear young.

Of all God’s creatures, only humans have sex face-to-face. This means that for mankind sex is an intimate act of love, a face-to-face encounter, not just an act of procreation. Since God created us, i.e., formed us, anatomically, these observations seem to confirm sex for humans is more for love and pleasure than for procreation.

Talking about sex in marriage. Communication is es­sen­tial to good relationships. Couples often have difficulty speak­ing of their deepest needs. This is especially true in the marriage bed.

Newlyweds must learn to talk with each other. Unfortun­ately, many couples talk only when they are fed up. It’s called “gunnysacking.” They put their troubles in a sack until they can’t take it anymore, then they explode.

Premarital Counseling.  So can i still talk about sex while before marriage?  You bet.  Here are some suggestions to have a wholesome and godly conversation about sex before marriage.  

  1. Stay focused on your subject.  Why are we talking about this? 
  2. Have someone else with you.  It will be more objective
  3. See if the bible has anything to say about it.  You would be so surprised how the bible is very transparent in sexual intimacy issues. 

Your Turn.  Make a post below and tell me your reaction. 

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